SEASON 1 F'25 STORY 1- The Things I Don't Fit Into Anymore
00:00:00 Welcome: Hi, I'm Melanie, and this is UNfashioned. It's a podcast about unravelling what no longer fits and rewearing what was always real. I am an artist and a designer, and for more than twenty years I've been curating vintage clothing and accessories with my business, Retro Kandy Vintage. These pieces of clothing have tons of stories with them, a lot of wear and a lot of soul. But somewhere along the way, I realized I've been actually doing the same thing with myself. I've been collecting versions of me and then trying them on, outgrowing them, and then finally admitting that maybe they never really fit to begin with. So if you came to this podcast expecting to hear about trends or what's cool on the runway, this definitely isn't the podcast for that. This is about peeling back the layers, sitting in the mess and daring to become UNfashioned. In each episode, we'll take a look at pieces of ourselves that we've outgrown and ones we're finally ready to claim. Today's story is called, "The Things I Don't Fit Into Anymore". And it's not just about clothes. It's about life and love and body and identity. So settle in and let's unravel together.
00:01:40 The Illusion of Fit: There is a glittery tuxedo dress that's still hanging in my closet right now. It's one of my favorite dresses and it has a great memory attached to it. I bought it especially for my thirtieth birthday party. It was completely constructed out of sequins, even the sleeves, and it caught the light and just twinkled. That night when I was wearing it, I thought I was stepping into this new decade, wrapped in power and draped in sparkles. But here's the thing. Do you know that moment when you're, like, trying something on or trying to squeeze into something that you used to wear with ease and then, like, technically, it's still zips, it still fits, but you just can't breathe in it anymore. That's what happened when I tried to put this sparkly tuxedo dress on now. The seams gripped a little too tight. They were just uncomfortable. The sequins scratched against my skin. It felt a little too short for my age. You know, it still fits. But, you know, it just didn't belong to me anymore. It didn't belong to who I am now. And you know, that's what the story is really about. Not the clothes, but, you know, the parts of life like relationships and jobs and identities that once fit us so well that once we were so comfortable in now leave us gasping to breathe.
00:03:24 Discomfort in Disguise: There was a time in my life when I thought, you know, staying meant I was strong. I thought leaving something or letting go of something meant failure. So I stayed. I stayed in a marriage that was already unraveling. I stayed because I didn't want to admit it wasn't working. I stayed because I was embarrassed of what people might think and how it would look and what it would say about me. And it wasn't, you know, actually, just my marriage. I stayed in jobs that drained me. I stayed in relationships that shrank me. I stayed in performances that dulled me. But, sometimes we wear things because they photograph well, because they keep people from asking questions, because we've invested so much in that role that we can't bear to take off the costume. And for a while, you know, it worked. I look put together, smiling in photos, saying all the right words, holding it all in place like a two tight dress, zipped all the way up to the very top. Well, I've learned something since then. What actually looks polished on the outside can be a quiet form of self abandonment on the inside. Discomfort can disguise itself as duty. It can hide behind appearances, investments and expectations. And if you're not careful, it can convince you to stay zipped into a life that just doesn't fit anymore.
00:05:19 Midlife and the Great Undoing: This year I am turning forty six and I finally realized that we should really stop calling midlife, that it's a crisis that, you know, midlife is not a crisis. I really am starting to look at it like a closet. One day you open those doors and you realize half of what's in there isn't even yours. You either inherited it, or you were told that it looked good on you. So you wore it to please. You wore it to bend. You wore it to survive. You wore the outfit of the mother, the good girl, the chill wife, the hustler, the boss babe. You know, the helper. But you know now underneath it all your skin itches. You want to feel that air on your body again. You want to stop pretending that pretending doesn't actually hurt. So you begin slowly unzipping and unraveling each piece of clothing. The tossing, the shedding. You stop asking, does this make me look good? And you start asking yourself... What does this make me feel? And does this really feel like me?
00:06:50 The New Fit: Now here's the stuff I don't usually say out loud. I honestly don't know exactly who I'm becoming, but I know I breathe so much deeper now. I may wear a little less, but I feel so much more. I walk barefoot more often, and I let the air touch me where I used to keep everything buttoned up. I'm softer now. I'm definitely more vulnerable. And I cry louder than I used to. But I also laugh more freely too. And you know, I don't apologize for either. I don't fit into everything anymore. Not the outfits, not the rules. Not the versions of myself I once thought were required. I'm learning to make space in my closet and in my life. That I think is the real becoming. I'm no longer shrinking myself into something. I'm no longer forcing myself into something. But I am expanding. I am unfolding, and I am unraveling, and I'm becoming more myself than I've ever allowed before. And you know, maybe that's the point. Not to look like I've got it all put together. Not to squeeze into what was never really made for me, but to finally, just finally let myself fit in to me.
00:08:30 My Own List: Let me be honest and open about what I no longer fit into myself. I don't fit into the idea that my being soft makes me weak. I don't fit into a marriage that required me to disappear and shrink and drain all of my energy and give and give and give just to keep it peaceful. I don't fit into the belief that being busy makes me valuable. I don't fit into the performance of always being fine. And I don't fit into the role of a woman who never asks for help. I don't fit into a closet full of just in case clothing. I don't fit into being scared of being vulnerable. And I don't fit into the story that said, I had to earn rest, joy, and love. These are just some of the things I'm done trying to zip myself into. Some sounds small, but they weren't at the time. Some sound unimportant, but not to me. They were heavy and they were stitched into me.
00:09:55 Reflection: And now it's your turn. What are the things you no longer fit into? Not physically, but like, emotionally and spiritually or mentally. What roles itch against your skin and what expectations pinch you at your waist? What life have you been zipping yourself into even though you can't breathe inside it? Let's take a deep breath and really think about it. Whose approval have you been dressing for? Whose story have you been tailoring your life to match? And what would it feel like to finally unzip and let it all fall to the floor? You know, if you can maybe write them down, say them out loud, or whisper them to yourself. Because naming them is the first step in shedding them.
00:11:02 Closing: I'm Melanie and you've been listening to UNfashioned. If this episode made you think about the things you no longer fit into, if it stirred something in you, share it with a friend who might need the same permission to let go. Because sometimes we need someone else's voice to remind us that we don't have to keep carrying what hurts And join me for our next story entitled, "Closet Clean Out". But until then, remember to toss what binds and wear what breathes.